I Wanna Hold Your Hand
by xXDark.Lord.MeloniousXx
Summary: Fluffy one-shot for Stan and Kyle; fixed. Stan goes over Kyle's house for a sleep over and learns something about himself he somehow knew all along.R


**A one-shot for Stan and Kyle. Read the bottom for a little more detail. XP**

* * *

They were crossing the street from the elementary school; Kenny was dead that week and Cartman was absent, so they walked with only themselves. When they reached the curb a line of cars began very slowly passing by, so while the traffic sorted itself out, Kyle reported the main event of his day to his best friend,

"Bebe told me she has a crush on me."

At eight years old, there wasn't much reason for concern; after all, neither would so much as consider having a girlfriend while the young ladies were infected with an ever-growing epidemic of cooties. Stan looked to the young boy, muttering with a shrug,

"Yeah? Did she tell you that?"

"Yeah."

"Do you care?" Stan asked nonchalantly.

The redhead sighed, "Not really. She's kind of pretty, but I don't have a crush on her back."

Stan hummed in agreement, "Was she really sad?"

"A little. I feel bad for not caring so much."

"Don't feel bad, dude, you are just being true to who you really are and what you really feel. It's sad for her, but she can't make you have a crush back on her so she'll have to deal."

Kyle smiled timidly, "Thanks, Stan. You always make me feel better."

The boy returned his friend's grin, "I'm glad, Kye."

The line of cars finally passed completely and as Stan took his first step from the sidewalk, he felt something pull on his sleeve. He looked to the boy behind him, his face bowed and hidden by his green Ushanka as he mumbled,

"Stan…will you hold my hand for when we cross the street?"

The ebony-haired boy beamed; he had thought Kyle was upset over Bebe, but was glad to see it was a request he was more than ecstatic to grant. He took hold of the hand on his arm and walked beside the child as they met the concrete walk-way. Once they reached the other side of the street, though, the Jew made another request,

"Stan…would it bother you to hold my hand for when we walk to your house?"

Stan smiled again, for it was such a pleasure to be of simple help to his best friend.

"No. It wouldn't bother me."

And they did walk all the way to Stan's house, hand in hand. Back then, Stan didn't know the impact it would have on his life. Back then, they were eight and it didn't mean a thing to anyone. Back then, Kyle was a boy, he was a boy and they were best friends, so it was something natural, to just hold hands. Back then, Stan couldn't have known just how fiercely that memory would echo through his mind everyday of his life in his days of confusion.

* * *

"Hey, dude, my mom said she'll buy me the new Wii for Christmas!" Stan exclaimed.

Fifteen now, Stan and Kyle were considered very popular. Stanley Marsh; the district's star athlete with a flair for the dramatics which made the sensitivity-concerned girls squeal. Kyle Broflovski; the district's star intellect with an IQ of 187 that the adults raved over. Kyle was truly only recognized as someone popular because of his relationship with Stanley Marsh, as they were best friends. Had he never even known Stan, his timid and quiet nature would have kept him a secret from the world. Kyle had started off as a short, white boy with no rhythm while Stan was built for seduction from the time he was expelled from his mother. However, Kyle worked hard to feel he had the right to be called Stan's Super Best Friend. Once they made it to seventh grade and Kyle was beginning to be acknowledged for simply knowing Stan, he decided he must make himself as socially acceptable as Stan. Although it was a challenge and Stan wasn't completely comfortable with Kyle working himself so hard, the redhead insisted it was his civil duty. He woke early in the morning to run, then made his way back home to shower and dress; eventually finding the perfect combination of hair-products to calm his fro into silk locks that still remained hidden under his green hat.

He went to school where he would excel beyond the norm at most everything, even sports, but he never joined a team. He would stay after school for the Art club, Literary Magazine Meetings and a group dedicated to Global Awareness. He would walk home after that, finish his homework and read a leisure book within an hour; clean his house to maintain obedience and responsibility, then he would cook dinner for his family. He would clean the kitchen after, help his younger brother with his homework to establish a healthy relationship with him, then leave for dance lessons to return two hours later and collapse into bed until the vicious cycle began again. Among his widespread and endearing hobbies he adored his yard-work, keeping a garden of foreign flowers so vibrant and lively that all the women of South Park envied his green thumb. Not only was his personality as perfect as his grades, but his looks matched his heart. He had emerald irises so radiating and hypnotizing, his friends claimed they glowed like acid in the movie theaters. He had a lean, virtually hairless body while his face was sharp and boyish with cinnamon freckles spread across his cheeks and nose. His lips were full and thick for a boy's, his teeth completely straight and pearly white. Due to his graceful dance-moves, effortless intelligence, captivating character and stunning looks, he did meet up to Stan's reputation and had girls falling for him everywhere he went.

That's why Stan thought it odd that Kyle didn't accept any of the daily confessions of love he received from girls all over the school. He didn't object to it, though, because although it was selfish, he enjoyed having the delightful boy all to himself. Stan had a few girlfriends, none lasting very long, though. After Wendy broke his heart 'again' in middle school, he never truly felt the same about another girl and felt it was wrong to lure any girl into a false sense of security. What really shocked Stan was that when Kyle was around him, he never felt sad or as if he was missing out by not having a girlfriend. Kyle had always been enough; more than enough. Stan loved how the world could be a terrible, ugly and evil place, but when he turned to find Kyle smiling back at him he saw the beauty in it all.

"Dude, that's awesome! I can't wait for Christmas break. I mean, I don't get anything awesome, but I get off school and actually get to sleep." Kyle's voice replied over the phone.

Stan switched the phone over to his other shoulder as he sifted through his drawers before announcing,

"Ugh, I can't find my stupid brown coat!"

"Oh…that's weird. You think your mom moved it again?"

"Eh, maybe. She's such a pain like that, always going through my stuff."

The Jew sighed, "Dude, I wanna call in pizza, but I can't eat it all on my own, you wanna come sleep over?"

"Dude, what do you mean? You're alone over there?" Stan interviewed.

"Yeah; Mom and Dad took Ike to see something stupid in Montreal for the four-day weekend, so I've got the house to myself."

Stan was perturbed by that; Kyle's birthday was that up-coming Monday they had off and Kyle's birthday always went unacknowledged by his parents. They centered their focus and concerns completely on his younger brother, but being the empathetic martyr he is, Kyle Broflovski never complained.

"Sick! Hell yeah, I'm comin' over! We're gonna play Guitar Hero until we have carpal tunnel, dude!"

The boy laughed, "Alright, when are you coming?"

"I'll be there in like fifteen minutes; I'll get Shelly to drive me there after I pack a bag."

"Alright, dude, I'll see you soon."

"Sweet; see ya."

They both hung up and it wasn't long before Stan was packed and in Shelly's passenger seat. She groaned in irritation as she took hold of the steering wheel, interrogating,

"So Kyle's house is…?"

"Behind the school, on Whale Neck." Stan responded readily.

The girl rolled her eyes as she pulled out of the driveway, "Doesn't he have a girlfriend yet? Why do you guys still see each other so much? Haven't you run out of things to fucking say already?"

Stan scoffed at the ridiculous concept, "No, he doesn't have a girlfriend. I see him cause I want to and no I haven't fucking run out of things to say; him and me are Super Best Friends, we're not effected by trivial matters like idle chit-chat. We have a connection far more profound than you and your stoner…kinsmen."

She snorted a laugh, "Yeah, you're spending too much time around that kid. But I mean…Stan, don't you think it's weird that he's so perfect, doesn't have a girlfriend and has you over his house constantly?"

"No, I don't think it's weird. He's perfect because it's in his blood and he's brave enough to pursue perfection. He doesn't have a girlfriend because he hasn't found the right one for him yet and is it really so hard to believe that another human being actually enjoys my company?"

"No, I guess not. Whatever, I just think you should give it some thought."

"Give what some thought?" Stan pressed.

"You know…that he might have some…hidden agenda." Shelly offered.

"Pfft, as if. Look, Shelly, I can acknowledge that we're closer than most average guy-friends get, but that's just how we ended up. I consider myself lucky to be who I am."

She smiled, "Alright, whatever, little dude, it's your life and I guess if that's what makes you happy, I'm cool with it."

He stared out the window for the rest of the ride, and the moment he came to Kyle's house he ran out the car and embraced the boy in the doorway. Shelly left them to join in the living room where they discussed their week; they only had two classes together out of their nine periods and so both had many comments and questions concerning the other's schedule. Soon after the pizza arrived and they played two hours of Guitar Hero before Kyle declared that he was sick of getting his ass whooped and he needed to check his e-mails. They cleaned the evidence of their meal and headed up to Kyle's room where Stan plopped onto Kyle's bed as he signed on. The Jew ranted more about his Art teacher giving him crap for not living up to his standards with the results of his linoleum project. Stan's thoughts, though, were irrelevant from the conversation and lingered on poetic speeches of his undying and loyal friendship with Kyle. He didn't think his relationship with Kyle was abnormal, he instead thanked the higher powers that he was lucky enough to find someone so devoted to spending time with him and being involved in his life. The redhead soon joined him on the bed after opening his window and turning his ipod stereo on. Grandaddy's 'Elevate Myself' filled the room as Kyle started,

"Dude…is having a girlfriend fun?"

Stan cocked a brow at the sudden inquiry, "Uh…I mean…I guess…why?"

"I dunno, I've just never had one, so…"

Stan's brows furrowed in thought, "If you've never had a girlfriend…then…"

Stan turned on his side, making eye-contact with the boy as he finished, "Then have you ever been kissed?"

Kyle's freckles were hidden by a stain of scarlet as he confessed, "No…I haven't. Is…is it…nice?"

Stan blushed lightly, his mood deeply effected by learning this about Kyle. He glanced to his left before responding with a sigh,

"Well…it's nice if it's with the right person. I mean, you can't just kiss someone you don't know and expect to feel fireworks."

Kyle smirked, "Does that really happen? Do you really feel the Earth shake?"

Stan snorted, "Not exactly. Maybe it's just cause I was never really 'in love' with any of the girls I dated, though…so I'm not a very fair opinion."

"Oh…what about Wendy, though?"

"Eh…it always felt like she was being forced into it, so…I never felt completely comfortable with it."

The Jew huffed, "Well, that sucks. And here I thought you were the Czar of tonsil hockey."

Stan laughed, "Well, I am! I just haven't found Ms. Right."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, you tell me when you do, cause I'll probably end up with her sister."

"Who's…her sister?"

"Ms. Felicitous."

Stan chuckled with the boy before his smile died out again into a sad expression,

"Dude… so you really haven't been kissed before?"

"Is that really so shocking?"

Stan's mouth slanted, "Well, kind of… I mean…I feel like I let you miss out on it, like I wasn't keeping watch."

Kyle rolled his beautiful eyes, "You don't have to baby-sit me, I'm okay. It could never be your fault that I never dated, I'm just too nervous of a person to handle intimate relationships."

Stan smiled; Kyle Broflovski really was too adorable for his own good at times. Stan began to interview from there,

"Well…I mean, you're in a deep relationship with me, right, dude? I mean…we're mad close."

"Yeah? So?"

"Maybe you're just nervous around girls, not romance generally. What about a guy?"

"A guy?"

"Yeah, I mean, like…what if you had to date a guy first just to straighten you out and lessen your anxiety?"

"Dude, twisted! No! I wouldn't…I can't…no! If I even wanted to date a guy, there's so few who are acceptable to date anyway." Kyle immediately wanted to slap his hand over his mouth. It was too late, though.

"Dude! You've thought about it!? Who would you date!?"

"No way! You owe me for paying the pizza guy, so you have to tell me first!"

Stan's smirk fell away as did his eyes before he muttered, "Don't be a dick, Kye, you know if I ever had to have a boyfriend it'd be you."

He looked up to see the flattered red in Kyle's cheeks, "Th-thanks, Stan…"

"Well?" Stan pressed, "What about you?"

Kyle mimicked Stan's actions, replying softly, "It'd be you, of course…"

Their stained cheeks matching and hearts both thumping, forced them to look away from each other as Stan suggested while sitting up,

"Then I'll kiss you."

Kyle shot up-right, his wide eyes accenting his cherry-face, "N-N-No way, dude! Why?!"

The offer was as natural to Stan as allowing Kyle told hold his hand when they crossed the street. They no longer conducted themselves so lovingly out in public once adolescence took hold of their dignity, though. Stan scowled seriously, "Dude, you're missing out on something important! You even said you're not interested in any of the girls at school and since I don't completely repulse you, I'll give you your first kiss. It's not such a big deal, is it?"

"You just said it's a big deal!!" Kyle fought.

"Oh, come on, Kye, I promise after you get your first kiss, you'll want to leave this house and find yourself a girlfriend who you can kiss whenever you want. Consider it your birthday gift."

Kyle glared jokingly, "Oh, I'm so glad your multiple girlfriends left you without a narcissistic attitude."

Stan beamed, covering Kyle's dainty hand with his own as he encouraged, "Come on, I want you to experience this."

The redhead seemed captivated by the physical advance and like a magic spell he immediately surrendered to Stan's argument and nodded hesitantly in agreement. Stan took hold of Kyle's satin, auburn locks to assure he wouldn't pull away, then he wet his suddenly dry lips before leaning in and pressing against his friend. Stan's heart started racing, his face filled with heat as his mind metaphorically imploded with color and sound; there were fireworks. As if he didn't know who it was he was kissing anymore, he ran his tongue over the other boy's mouth, requesting entrance. Stan couldn't help but think it was painfully adorable the way he could feel just how nervous Kyle was by the way he reluctantly gave Stan clearance to enter. Stan took the invitation, his hold in Kyle's silky waves more gentle and caressing than demanding as before. He soon felt Kyle's dexterous hands on him; one cupping his jaw and a bit of his neck while the other rested against his pounding chest. Stan considered it an invitation for his free hand to grip to the opposite side of Kyle's face, pulling him in closer and forcing him to open his mouth wider, allowing him to give more of himself to the kiss. Their tongues battling for dominance, their hands holding tighter and whimpers growing more audible forced them both to break away with a gasp. Kyle's thick, kiss-swollen lips still rested a bit against Stan's as they both huffed and collected their positions; Kyle's hands were still in their assigned areas while Stan's arms had found their way around Kyle's back, pressing Kyle against his chest.

They only gazed at each other for a long moment before Kyle stammered,

"Y-You were right…t-that was amazing…"

Stan couldn't respond right away; he was hypnotized by Kyle's aquamarine vision. He leaned in again and pressed his lips to his friend's and the fireworks set in again, the Earth shook beneath him although nothing was moving and his heart punched his ribcage just as violently as before. When he pulled away the redhead seemed dazed or drunk, whatever it meant Stan wasn't sure, but he was positive it was cuter than any other expression he had ever seen drawn on his friend. Kyle looked away shortly, telling the boy, "I…I…"

The phone rang, regrettably forcing Kyle out of his hold and after hanging up on a machine, he awkwardly looked to Stan and announced, "I…didn't shower this morning, so…I'm gonna go jump in quickly…"

Just as he made it to the door, Stan called after, "Kye!"

"Yeah?" The Jew answered, curving his body to face him while still keeping his body facing the hall.

"Can I borrow a night-shirt?"

"Yeah, sure…"

"And…Kye…?"

"Yeah?"

Stan blushed, breaking eye-contact, "Was that…was it good?"

Kyle's red face turned away as he answered, "It was even more than I dreamt it'd be."

He left the room after that, but Stan couldn't help thinking there was a hidden meaning in his response. He collapsed back onto the bed and reflected on the strange experience. When he had kissed Wendy, or any of his several girlfriends, it had never been like that. His heart never thumped so hard, his instincts never overwhelmed his so much that he had to force his tongue further than the original given territory, colors and music had never replaced reality in his mind for so long…he wondered if there was a possibility that he may just have romantic feelings for Kyle. The moment he thought of it, everything became…blatantly clear. Why all of his relationships didn't work out, why he kept Kyle so close, why he worried over Kyle's happiness…

He couldn't concentrate on liking a girl when he was already in love with a boy.

He blushed furiously, bombarded with questions; should he tell Kyle right away? Should he wait? A year? More? Should he tell anyone else? Should he tell someone else first? Should he say anything at all? Was it absurd? Was he overreacting? Would he lose Kyle over it? Or would he gain something more? He pushed it aside; having an epiphany about your sexual orientation and true love was about all his brain could handle in one night. He stood from the bed and changed into pajama bottoms, licking his lips and savoring the sweet after-taste of his gorgeous friend. He wondered if now, Kyle would want to hold his hand. He wondered if now Stan could ask something of him; something a bit more than simply holding hands. Something more than cheering him up. He walked over to Kyle's dressers and pulled out an over-sized T-shirt then quickly slipped it over his head; just as he was about to close the drawer, something caught his eye.

Something brown.

He looked down to see his coat folded neatly, incognito. The ebony-haired boy's heart's pace picked up again…

Kyle didn't have a girlfriend. He never did. He never would. Because Kyle loved him. Stan mentally slapped himself for assuming Kyle returned his feelings so immediately, but how else could it be explained? Did Kyle save himself for Stan? Was he hoping Stan would notice him in a romantic sense if he could dance, if he could cook and clean and paint and preach about Earth's safety? Did he really expect Stan to never notice that Kyle was the one stealing away his coat? And what was it that he did with Stan's clothing? Did he sleep with it? Stan blushed more deeply at his mind secretly hoping Kyle did.

_"It was even more than I dreamt it'd be."_

Of course. Because Kyle dreamt of kissing Stan, of being held by him and wooed by him. Stan smiled as he closed the drawer and sat back down on Kyle's bed. A few more minutes passed, then Kyle re-entered the room, beaming cutely,

"Hey, did the phone ring or anything?"

"Why do you have my coat?"

He watched as Kyle's face shrank into horror, "W-What?"

"Why do you have my coat? You knew I was looking for it. Why didn't you say I left it with you?"

The redhead's face flooded with crimson, "I…I…I…I…I didn't…uh…"

"Didn't realize, are you going to say? Your intelligence surpasses every one of your seniors and you're going to tell me you didn't realize that you kept my jacket neatly folded in your drawers without telling me?" Stan interrogated.

"I…I…uhm…n-no, I…I…"

"Kye. Come here."

The Jew didn't move a muscle at first, then very slowly and hesitantly approached the boy. Stan stood, taking Kyle's hands in his own before leaning down and kissing him lightly. He felt Kyle press back timidly, then when they broke away Stan inquired,

"Did you keep my coat because you want me?"

He felt victory and realization wash over him as Kyle's brilliant eyes filmed with tears and he lurched forward, taking Stan's lips again. They kissed deeply, their fingers entwining until they broke again and Kyle pressed his forehead against the athlete's chest, admitting,

"I-I do, I do, I want you…I'm sorry, Stan, I know it probably grosses you out, I know you might hate me if I ever told you, but I do and I have for so long, I'm sorry…I'm sorry…"

Stan lowered his lips to Kyle's dripping hair, breathing in Kyle's constant, enchanting aroma as he told him,

"There's nothing to be sorry for."

The redhead looked up, his brows curved, "What do you mean?"

"I mean…I want to hold your hand now and I want everyone to know exactly what it means. Kye…it took me…a pretty long time to figure it out, but…I want you. No…I…I think…no, I know that I love you."

A tear fell over the jarred expression painted onto Kyle, any response silence by the intrusion of Stan's lips. When they broke away again, Stan pressed,

"How did you know the feeling of the Earth moving when I described fireworks?"

Kyle blushed, kissing Stan again before replying, "Because I felt it whenever you held my hand."

* * *

**Just some fluff for Stan and Kyle; I wrote this in an hour at two in the morning so forgive me if it's a load of stupidity. XP Reviews would be really appreciated. **


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